State of the Union

GOD BLESS O’MERICA

Alright, so, Bleacher Report predicted last week that the Orioles are only going to win 75 games in 2016.

Harsh toke, dude.

Now, when it comes to baseball, I’m still learning as I go, but all I have to say about that is, no. Just. No.

75?! That’s only 2 more games than the 2015 Phillies won.

I don’t know how they came up with that number, but last year, PECOTA (Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm/ fancy sabermetric projection thingy) predicted just 72 wins for the Kansas City Royals. That’s 1 game less than the Phillies actually won in 2015.

So, screw stats. What about SPIRIT? What about SWAG? ‘Cause a swaggy 161 million dollars checked into spring training camp early (Crush-ed it.) Jonathan Schoop and J.J. Hardy also checked in early. I bet they think they’re going to win more than 75 games this season.

And, ladies, it’s been reported that pitcher Chris Tillman checked into spring training with a hot new bod. (Thank-you, Roch Kubatko, for reporting on what really matters.) The word ‘abs’ was mentioned. Abs = Swag.

Also- we have Buck Showalter, who is essentially a baseball Yoda (as opposed to Mike Matheny, manager of my secret-crush team, the Cardinals, who would be baseball Han Solo.) Buck’s not concerned that we didn’t make many moves during the off-season, saying,

‘…I really like the things we did bringing the people back who were already here. I think they were better than about anything we could have gotten out there from somebody else.’ Preach.

Still, starting pitching has been on everyone’s mind and the O’s have reportedly finally reached an agreement with Yovani Gallardo for a three-year, $35 million contract.

Will Gallardo be worth losing our first round draft pick? General consensus seems to be yes, we need to fill the hole left by Wei-Yen Chen (Can we just have a moment of silence for my Taiwanese homie, who finished last season with a career-best 3.34 ERA over 191 1/3 innings pitched?)

Now, what about Dexter Fowler…

I say, let’s just sign him already, wave good-bye to that second draft pick, and cross our fingers that these late signings will be as auspicious as the late signings of Ubaldo Jimenez and Nelson Cruz in 2014.

Why don’t we end this with an up-beat stat from Buck himself- the O’s have won more regular-season games over the past four years than any other American League team. So there.

XO, your grl on base.

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