Ah, February 14th, Valentine’s Day…
But, more importantly, it’s the beginning of Spring Training!!!
If you’re like me, you’ve had enough teasing from MLB.com’s FB Feed & you’re ready to get down to it.
A long Fantasy dry spell can leave a grl a lil thirsty–
So, to celebrate the return of Baseball & Fantasy, I’ve created a top 10 list of Red Hot Baseball Valentines for all my Bad *ss Fantasy Baes out there.
The players listed below are not just certifiable hotties–
They also (in my humble opinion) have a H2H Fantasy Ranking above 100 (w/ One #BigSexy Exception, b/c, c’mon how could I not include Bartolo?)
Take a good look, ladies, b/c these hot studs are packin’ even hotter stats & will be going fast in your upcoming drafts.
# 10 – Bartolo Colon – Ok, let’s face it- Bartolo may be going to the Braves, but he’s not going anywhere fast (in Fantasy or reality.) Still, it’s #BigSexy! He’s a huggable hurler w/ plenty of love to go around-
You can’t be the possessive type with #BigSexy.
You have to appreciate him for who he is-
A larger-than-life streamer who probably won’t blow up your ERA.
#9 – Chris Archer – He may be a little emotional on the mound, but if you’re looking for sensitivity & strike outs galore, look no further than Archer.
Charismatic & passionate about community service, Chris is def. bae-material-
I know, I know-
He didn’t have the best 2016. (Who did?)
Taking Archer requires faith, but I believe he is more than deserving.
# 8 – Jake Arrieta – A pitcher worth a thousand words–
# 7 – Xander Bogaerts – Quick! Who’s your shortstop? Seager (on deck,) Lindor, or Correa? You wouldn’t bae alone. Those are the guys topping MLB Network’s ‘Top 10 Shortstops Right Now’ list. (So you know they’ll be drafted fast.)
Who else can a grl trust to have her back?
The X-Man is the guy you know about, but didn’t know you needed.
Xander had a better average (& hit 1 more home run) than Correa, got 11 more RBIs than Lindor, & stole 13 bases to Seager’s 3.
# 6 – Cory Seager -> Cougars meet Cory, 2016 NL Rookie of the Year. He’s just 22, but has no problem connecting (193 hits in 2016.)
He’s so Seager to please-
Everyone wants to play w/ him.
If you like shiny new things, seek out Seager in sunny LA.
Your ex is gonna be soooo jealous.
# 5 – Starling Marte – A good man may be hard to find, but finding stolen bases can be even harder…
That’s why it’s worth snagging Marte before he’s gone.
In 2016, he stole 47 bases & my ❤ –
Starling isn’t just good for SBs–
My advice: Run w/ him & don’t look back.
# 4 – Kris Bryant – If you’re the kinda grl that likes to roll w/ the most popular jock on the block, bet on Bryant.
Not likely to be lacking in confidence, he’s coming off an epic World Series win w/ the Cubs & a sizzling Express ad campaign–
Those baby blues are waiting to take you home.
(RBIs & HRs for days, ladies.)
# 3 – Clayton Kershaw – Like a Golden Retriever, Kersherz is shaggy-haired, blonde, & reliable.
Able to recognize a good thing when he has it, Clayton isn’t going to let you run away.
Case in point-
He married his high school sweetheart & he’s got a killer ERA.
You’re never going to have to worry about Kershaw.
He’s just that good
…until the postseason…
The Kersh is not good under pressure.
#2 – Manny Machado – For those of you who have been scrolling down this list waiting for someone to really get your engine going, this jug-eared hothead is the Manny for you.
He isn’t f*cking messing around-
Forget getting your name tattooed on his arm, Manny will get your whole damn face–
The human equivalent of a hot rod, this guy isn’t slowing down anytime soon.
# 1 – Noah Syndergaard –
Nicknamed Thor, after the hammer wielding Norse god, you Noah that Syndergaard knows how to make an impression-
Like Manny, he’s got 0 f*cks to give-
‘Syndergaard is slumping,’ they said last August.
‘Could be the bone spur in his pitching elbow.’
…Um, did you see the NL Wild Card Game last year?
That’s what happens when you test a god.
(Alas, even gods need run support.)
Don’t be basic w/ Syndergaard–
Just be happy to have witnessed next level hotness.
Well, there you have it-
10 Damn Fine Ballers.
…I think OG Fantasy Bae, Valerie Salembier, would be proud.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Your Grl On Base.