SPRING TRAINING HAS SPRUNG.
MANNY IS A PADRE.
THE ORIOLES ARE UNDEFEATED.
What A Time To Be Alive
SPRING TRAINING HAS SPRUNG.
MANNY IS A PADRE.
THE ORIOLES ARE UNDEFEATED.
What A Time To Be Alive
Ummmm… It’s been awhile, and honestly,
We are approaching Spring Training and the MLB Hot Stove is still ice-cold, so we have only JROD to keep ourselves warm.
Oh, and these amazing tweets-
…In other news, I finally came to my millennial senses and have decided to start expressing myself by making crazy YouTube videos. This is a big deal for me, as I have loved writing long run-on sentences pretty much since birth. However, there are athletes currently competing in the Winter Olympics who were born after the year 2000, so yea…
You know what’s more refreshing than finding a walking-distance waxing studio in LA that you feel TOTALLY COMFORTABLE in?
Finding a waxer who can talk MMA & UFC.
For me, it is one of the last pieces of an admittedly superficial puzzle that I have been hoping to complete by the time I’m thirty. Other pieces I have finally found include my perfect jeans & correct bra size…
There we were, last Saturday, two minority women, going about business as usual & having a candid discussion about Mayweather VS McGregor.
I asked Yani (my waxer) if she likes MMA & if she watched UFC fights. She said, yes & yes, which, for me, warrants a throw-back TayTay happy/surprised face-
Yani was rooting for Mayweather while I was rooting for McGregor & we got to talking about humble beginnings-
I told her about Conor’s past as a plumber in Ireland, which she hadn’t known about, & she told me that Dana White used to be a bouncer, which I hadn’t known.
Then she said, ‘With a girl’s name, like ‘Dana,’ he must have gotten picked on a lot & probably had to get tough.’
Of course! Johnny Cash taught me that!
The thought that DANA WHITE, of all people, has a ‘girl’s name’ had NEVER occurred to me…
Because, he is DANA WHITE.
Now, I wouldn’t normally write about a trip to the waxer on the internet nor would I think that my conversation with Yani was anything extraordinary…
I WANTED TO SCREAM AT LAUREN DUCA–
& THIS TWEET-
Which, to me, also translates to:
TAYLOR SWIFT IS A FEMINIST HERO WHO DESERVES NOTHING OTHER THAN UNWAVERING SUPPORT.
Apparently, that is one step too far… For no apparent reason, that I can see, other than the fact that she is TAYLOR SWIFT.
I am genuinely shocked by the female backlash to LWYMMD, because if we were following fight rules-
“PROTECT YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES.”
Taylor would be one of the most celebrated female fighters of our time (instead of one of the most hated pop stars) & we would all be talking about Taylor Swift, 27,’s incredible knock-out win over Denver DJ, David Mueller, 55.
Instead, I keep hearing that Swift defending herself against attacks from other women is anti-feminist & her defending herself against Kanye is part of the larger problem of white privilege.
Did we expect the young woman who just won her sexual assault trial to just ‘sit back & take it?’
(Are we over the fact that we have an abuser-in-chief who said it was okay to grab women by the p*ssy?)
In fighting, equality is the only term you accept before you start swinging.
McGregor landing a righteous uppercut on Mayweather is equality
Mayweather knocking McGregor out is equality too.
“It used to be hard for me to watch,” Yani said, “but now, I’ll surprise my husband at the way I yell at the TV, telling them to hit each other.”
I laughed & told her that’s exactly how it is in my house too-
“You start to realize it’s an elegant game of strategy.”
“YES! Do you watch female fighting too?” She asked in an excited voice.
“Of course! Female fighters have some of the best, bloodiest fights.”
Is it considered anti-feminist for a female fighter to land a counter-punch on another female fighter?
No, actually, that’s equality. (I wonder if Lauren Duca watches MMA.)
So, why can’t we accept it when it comes from Taylor Swift?
Is it because the world of pop is somehow supposed to be more ‘polite?’
(What about Katy Perry’s ‘Swish Swish’?)
“Sometimes when I’m trying to understand a person’s motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst.”
Question: What’s the worst reason we could have for hating T. Swift?
Answer: We equate her success with validation for the principles we feel personally oppressed by &, instead of hating oppression & inequality, we start to hate Taylor as we, in turn, become oppressors ourselves.
Now, let me ask, where in Taylor’s ouvre do you see her glorifying ANY form of inequality or oppression?
While we have been equating Taylor to a White Walker,
She has been using her success to fight for musician’s rights & as a platform to empower sexual assault survivors while fighting against rape culture in court…
& all we can talk about are the drawings.
We, like Kanye, have tried to make her part of our narrative
Taylor devouring her would-be destroyers,
Such as Kimye & Katy,
Before they could devour her
Is no different from Arya Stark killing, then wearing the faces of, those who have wronged her.
Arya is fictional. She didn’t really do that. She can’t.
Taylor is real & she just did that-
So, if you are a feminist fantasizing about Arya sitting on the Iron Throne
Do me a favor-
If a boy named ‘Dana‘ can make the UFC what it is today, then a girl named ‘Taylor Swift’ should be able reinvent herself as a Tea-Sipping Serpentine Queen.
Sipping ice tea till this heat wave passes,
What do Team USA & I have in common?
All we do is win.
The US has their first WBC title
I am in possession of my Fantasy league’s schmexy trophy jacket. 🙂
I’m planning a parade…
I did actually win this jacket &
That’s the point.
Interestingly enough, the league-mate who has been coming for my jacket the hardest (by way of talk) is the Newbie–
A Cards fan, who drafted Yadi.
All I can say is-
The Cards‘ home opener is tomorrow &
They are playing the Cubs &
I have Bryant & Rizzo &
We are going to hit him where it hurts. ❤
What hurts the most
Was being so close
& Watching Thor go away-
What could have been
& That not sleeping on him
Is what I was tryin’ to do 😥
I prepped for days, even made a binder w/ Syndergaard’s New Yorker cover on it…
…Losing my NUMBER ONE BASEBALL VALENTINE was definitely the worst part of the draft for me… To make matters worse, my week 1 matchup is against the Palmballers…
That makes for a Terrible, Horrible, Noah Good Opening Day for the ‘Staches. 😥
But that’s the draft-
We all come thinking we have everything to gain…
One person’s gain is everyone else’s pain
One person’s pain is everyone else’s gain…
As you can see,
We all packed a lot of both into one small karaoke studio in Little Tokyo.
But in the end-
IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER…
The reality is, we are a shallow league. We all have amazing teams.
I slept on Syndergaard, but I still got 4 of my ‘Top 10′ (Archer, Marte, Bryant, & Machado.) Plus, I picked up Stroman… & got to watch him become WBC MVP after going 6 hitless for Team USA in the final game.
(I’m so glad I got to share that moment with Commissioner Crabtree & his ‘wave’ of solid pitching. 😉 )
Yes– The WAVE is back… The one chick in the league still digs the long ball (you can take the grl outta Camden…) The Palmballers had another quietly strong draft complete w/ some well-timed steals…
SOMEONE had to panic & pick an Athletic no one’s ever heard of & so Ryon Healy became a South Bay Baller in round 22. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Of course- I’ve saved the worst & best for last…
Along with taking Yadi, our Resident Rookie (replacing LameFace McGillicuddy) also took J.D. Martinez, David Price, Ian Desmond, & Carlos Carrasco, ALL of whom are dealing w/ injuries-
That’s the worst.
The best draft, I have to admit, went to the league Selfie King (a man w/ a fashion scarf is someone to fear.)
Commitment clearly isn’t a problem here… &, while I flirted w/ stocking up on base stealers & quality RPs, K-Town actually scored.
So, let the ‘fuck-withery‘ begin!
B/c, in baseball,
I know winning isn’t winning without every other player-
That’s why I’m as proud of being our league’s Lady Champ as I am of all of our beloved MLB players who played their hearts out for their countries of origin in the WBC.
I particularly love what Manny had to say about playing for the Dominican Republic (& what his Abuelo had to say about the importance of the bunt.)
A Team Baller,
Your Grl On Base
To ‘improve the pace of game play.’
My favorite reaction-
I reacted to the news the same way I reacted to Rory’s pregnancy announcement on the Netflix Gilmore Girls’ Revival–
Baseball’s slogan might as well be ‘good things come to those who wait.’
That’s the point.
LOOK AT GAME 7 OF THE 2016 WORLD SERIES.
Even the saltiest Cubs‘ critics (myself included) have to admit-
It is about what is possible in each & every moment–
It is about inducing
If you don’t have time for that, we probably can’t be friends.
Don’t even get me started on the idea of starting extra innings w/ a runner on 2nd…
It’s baseball. No one is ‘born on second.’
A bag must be earned (& someone’s paying.)
Again, this is baseball. Not Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Where he & I will probably argue-
Is whether or not to raise the strike zone…
While, in a larger sense, baseball is a perfect metaphor for life–
In a smaller sense, it’s about arguing the strike zone…
I am for raising the strike zone
It’s not just b/c I’m an O’s fan. (I swear!)
Just imagine though-
Trumbo @ Camden w/ a raised strike zone…
Watch out, PECOTA! 😀
‘More and more pitchers throwing harder and harder is a brutally efficient run prevention methodology that works. The inventory of power arms only grows. That’s because throwing a baseball is a very specific skill with few variables…
To me, raising the strike zone is an adjustment that doesn’t compromise the integrity of the game.
Unlike getting rid of the four-pitch intentional walk, it would ‘improve the pace of game play’ considerably w/ more balls in play & higher scoring games.
Now, here’s where I disagree with the Sports Illustrated article quoted above-
‘The raising of the strike zone is nothing but a small, interim step—baseball’s typical rate of change—to modernize the game. Until baseball moves to the inevitabilities of a pitch clock, a limited number of timeouts and a governor on relief pitching (such as requiring a minimum of two batters faced), everything else is just small nips and tucks that don’t amount to real change.’
Out of all team sports, baseball is the most individual.
Only in baseball do you get this mano a mano moment-
What more do you want from them?!?!
That is all.
I’m off to secure a tall bookshelf & stream a spring training game now…
❤ Your Grl On Base
Ah, February 14th, Valentine’s Day…
But, more importantly, it’s the beginning of Spring Training!!!
If you’re like me, you’ve had enough teasing from MLB.com’s FB Feed & you’re ready to get down to it.
A long Fantasy dry spell can leave a grl a lil thirsty–
The players listed below are not just certifiable hotties–
They also (in my humble opinion) have a H2H Fantasy Ranking above 100 (w/ One #BigSexy Exception, b/c, c’mon how could I not include Bartolo?)
# 10 – Bartolo Colon – Ok, let’s face it- Bartolo may be going to the Braves, but he’s not going anywhere fast (in Fantasy or reality.) Still, it’s #BigSexy! He’s a huggable hurler w/ plenty of love to go around-
You can’t be the possessive type with #BigSexy.
You have to appreciate him for who he is-
A larger-than-life streamer who probably won’t blow up your ERA.
#9 – Chris Archer – He may be a little emotional on the mound, but if you’re looking for sensitivity & strike outs galore, look no further than Archer.
Charismatic & passionate about community service, Chris is def. bae-material-
I know, I know-
He didn’t have the best 2016. (Who did?)
Taking Archer requires faith, but I believe he is more than deserving.
# 8 – Jake Arrieta – A pitcher worth a thousand words–
# 7 – Xander Bogaerts – Quick! Who’s your shortstop? Seager (on deck,) Lindor, or Correa? You wouldn’t bae alone. Those are the guys topping MLB Network’s ‘Top 10 Shortstops Right Now’ list. (So you know they’ll be drafted fast.)
Who else can a grl trust to have her back?
The X-Man is the guy you know about, but didn’t know you needed.
Xander had a better average (& hit 1 more home run) than Correa, got 11 more RBIs than Lindor, & stole 13 bases to Seager’s 3.
# 6 – Cory Seager -> Cougars meet Cory, 2016 NL Rookie of the Year. He’s just 22, but has no problem connecting (193 hits in 2016.)
He’s so Seager to please-
Everyone wants to play w/ him.
If you like shiny new things, seek out Seager in sunny LA.
Your ex is gonna be soooo jealous.
# 5 – Starling Marte – A good man may be hard to find, but finding stolen bases can be even harder…
That’s why it’s worth snagging Marte before he’s gone.
In 2016, he stole 47 bases & my ❤ –
Starling isn’t just good for SBs–
My advice: Run w/ him & don’t look back.
# 4 – Kris Bryant – If you’re the kinda grl that likes to roll w/ the most popular jock on the block, bet on Bryant.
Not likely to be lacking in confidence, he’s coming off an epic World Series win w/ the Cubs & a sizzling Express ad campaign–
Those baby blues are waiting to take you home.
(RBIs & HRs for days, ladies.)
# 3 – Clayton Kershaw – Like a Golden Retriever, Kersherz is shaggy-haired, blonde, & reliable.
Able to recognize a good thing when he has it, Clayton isn’t going to let you run away.
Case in point-
He married his high school sweetheart & he’s got a killer ERA.
You’re never going to have to worry about Kershaw.
He’s just that good
…until the postseason…
The Kersh is not good under pressure.
#2 – Manny Machado – For those of you who have been scrolling down this list waiting for someone to really get your engine going, this jug-eared hothead is the Manny for you.
He isn’t f*cking messing around-
Forget getting your name tattooed on his arm, Manny will get your whole damn face–
The human equivalent of a hot rod, this guy isn’t slowing down anytime soon.
# 1 – Noah Syndergaard –
Nicknamed Thor, after the hammer wielding Norse god, you Noah that Syndergaard knows how to make an impression-
Like Manny, he’s got 0 f*cks to give-
‘Syndergaard is slumping,’ they said last August.
‘Could be the bone spur in his pitching elbow.’
…Um, did you see the NL Wild Card Game last year?
That’s what happens when you test a god.
(Alas, even gods need run support.)
Don’t be basic w/ Syndergaard–
Just be happy to have witnessed next level hotness.
Well, there you have it-
10 Damn Fine Ballers.
…I think OG Fantasy Bae, Valerie Salembier, would be proud.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Your Grl On Base.
SPRING TRAINING GEAR IS HERE!!!
…It’s like ‘back to school’ swag for people who are too old for Five Star binders, but refuse to grow up & I am here for it.
Just like in the old days, I want it all.
I know I could make all that^ an outfit… all it would take is a LBD, hoops, & black PF Flyers… (&, from now on, that’s the outfit I will be wearing in all my daydreams b/c, sadly, my budget can’t keep up with my cinematic Fantasies.)
Speaking of Fantasies-
My heart stopped when I saw Noah Syndergaard in this promo video.
Fact: He is a Golden God & the only famous person I can remember having had a sex dream about-
It happened shortly after I was traded him in Fantasy last year… & I vaguely remember the words ‘fastball down the middle‘ being used. I woke up giggling… & my husband, already knowing this was baseball-related, sighed & turned his back to me.
Such is the life of the spouse of a Fantasy baseballer… & I feel for him, I really do, but-
NO WAY AM I GIVING UP FANTASY THIS YEAR, B/C I AM-
Someone’s gotta tell Crabtree how lame ‘The Wave’ is & crush his hopes & dreams-
With Spring Training right around the corner, it is also almost time to resume our Silly Little Game.
Alas, without the Silver Lake ‘Staches, the only thing I’ve been managing is my brother-in-law’s love life… & I am ready to trade in studying selfies for studying players’ stats &, as Valerie Salembier, manager of Salembier’s Flambes, so aptly put it- ‘what they (have) in the back.‘
Crabtree has ‘fessed up to already living the Fantasy podcast life. (He’s entertaining plans to build his team around Kershaw & delusions of grandeur.)
To which, I say-
Everyone has a strategy before 5+ shots of Crown.
It’s true that one can never be too prepared for Draft Day…
But while some choose to dive in head first, I’ve always been a ❤ first kinda grl.
Baseball may be a notorious heart-breaker, but it’s all about courtship going into Spring Training.
1st- It teases you.
Then- It presents you with shiny new swag.
Next- Pitchers & catchers report right around Valentine’s Day.
FINALLY- THE GAMES BEGIN
& you never know what might happen-
‘On March 13, 1954, Milwaukee Braves left fielder Bobby Thomson fractured his ankle while sliding into second base during a Spring Training game. The next day, (Hank) Aaron made his first Spring Training start for the Braves‘ major league team, playing in left field and hitting a home run. This led Hank Aaron to a major league contract, signed on the final day of Spring Training…’
…I’m also really excited to get a 1st look @ Trey Mancini, Joey Rickard, & Hyun Soo Kim.
In my opinion, Kim is a sleeper going into 2017. He had a bad Spring Training last year & it took awhile for the O’s to really give him a chance, but when they did- he was great about capitalizing on opportunities to get on base. It was also his first year in the MLB, so I suspect he’ll get off to an easier start this year.
The O’s love the long ball, but I think guys like Kim (& Rickard) are going to be clutch when our sluggers are slumping…
Still- It’s ALL just Fantasy till the season officially starts.
❤ ❤ ❤
Your Grl On Base
But at least there was this-
& ALL THIS-
As we liked to say on my high school cross country team-
Back to that football thing, I guess…
We live in a crazy world.
Donald Trump is running for President
It’s not a trick question.
It’s a n0-brainer.
(O, the irony!)
What part of this is hard?
…Is it harder than NOT calling a woman a b*tch?
That makes me sad, ya’ll,
B/c it’s clear to me that
What’s hard is this argument I keep running into online-
‘She thinks she’s better than everyone else.’
I’ve seen it written, repeatedly, about both Hillary Clinton & Taylor Swift
I find it very troubling
(Aside from the fact that, yea, they ARE)
Esp. when I look at who they find themselves up against-
Donald Trump & Kanye West.
Am I missing something?! Are these men known for their HUMILITY?!
They are misogynist egomaniacs & publicity addicts.
Would you EVER hear Taylor Swift OR Hillary Clinton say that they think they’re better than everyone else?!
They are two accomplished women, who both continue to be successful amidst harsh criticism while also maintaining a constant state of DIGNITY.
I think it’s actually their uncompromising DIGNITY that’s hard for people…
I cannot forgive Kanye for Famous
REGARDLESS of how much Taylor knew about the lyrics-
B/c felt he threatened
Upset by the fact that she has more of what he values most-
Taylor’s Fame has thus far been a special kind,
Bathed in golden light-
A kind that takes work to achieve.
Taylor did the work.
We all watched as she did it
Grew up in the process.
We watched as she somehow thrived in an industry that is not known to respect women
Managed to survive w/out a blemish on her reputation-
Taylor Swift is a real-life female role-model,
Who Kanye is seeking to
(Of what she has earned through a lifetime of hard work.)
He’s already tried it once,
Thoughtlessly & drunkenly,
But this time-
He did it more thoughtfully,
W/ the help of an enabler-
Kim Kardashian West
(Just the name makes me shudder.)
Let’s face it-
Now, the Republicans weren’t able to catch Hillary w/ the hearing,
But they’re not letting go of those emails…
Look at the other side-
Do Kanye West & Donald Trump play fair themselves?
Do we, as women, want to be represented by Kim Kardashian & Melania Trump,
The leading ladies of Kanye West & Donald Trump?!
I’m w/ them,
Your grl on base.
ALRIGHT! GUYS, IT’S SUNDAY MORNING & BASEBALL IS BEING PLAYED ON THE FINAL DAY OF THE FANTASY WEEK!
This week, I am up against the sole undefeated team in our league, the Culver CrackerJacks…
& I AM WINNING 7-3, which has to be a disappointment to the team’s manager- a careful & cunning man by the name of Crabtree.
Crabtree’s known interests include collecting vinyl, uneven trades in his favor, & fanciful facial hair- in other words, he’s a monster.
He is my Grendel
I am BAE-wulf.
I didn’t just become BAE-wulf overnight.
The first boy I ever liked used to chase me around chanting, ‘paper dolls & sushi!!’ Over & over again. …Those were my known interests, so he tried to annoy me by mocking me with them.
I retaliated by throwing things.
He threw things back.
Every day, at recess, we chased each other around, throwing weeds, pine cones, & various food items at each other.
It was exhausting &, ultimately, fruitless–
When he finally tried to kiss me following our 5th grade graduation, I ran away…
& I never saw him again. (We went to different schools the next year.)
My mistake, I realize now, was my inability to think more than one step at a time.
If I’d been able to apply strategy to my situation, I certainly could have destroyed this boy in both love & war.
I’ve come a long way since my days of chasing boys on the playground-
I mean, I still like paper dolls & sushi…
I’ve got game
& I love kicking *ss.
I may be new to the game of Fantasy baseball-
But, I’ve been playing boys for years…
If my 5th grade crush taught me anything, it’s that acts of love can often resemble acts of ‘war’ & vice versa.
This week, I tried to employ my proven strategy for getting a guy to my endeavor to destroy one in a Fantasy baseball match-up…
The harder you try to destroy your opponent,
the more you show just how much you care.
Let’s go through the steps.
Step 1- Look hot.
Applying it to Fantasy- I am a desirable opponent for Crabtree, one worth crushing… one who tied him the last time we were matched up… & I am the one who is now just hours away from spoiling his unBAEten record. (See what I did there?)
Step 2- Let him know it’s on.
In love, this can be as easy as meeting your BAE’s gaze at the right time.
In Fantasy- This means talking sh*t.
Step 3- Ignore him a little (while still clocking his every move) & flirt with other desirable guys.
…So what if Crabtree has Kershaw? I picked up Jose Ramirez.
(Did you know that you can put Ramirez in at 2B, 3B, SS, & OF? Now, that’s hot.)
WARNING: Men can be incredibly insecure, especially when they are losing. …Sometimes, they will lash out in desperation–
…Leading us to the next step-
Step 4- the ‘intentional walk.’
Now that it’s clear both parties are invested & eager to break the game open- it’s time for the intentional walk.
The intentional walk is all about recognizing the other player’s strengths, while playing to yours.
Say your date is a fantastic pool player-
‘Forget‘ how to play, walk him… & then destroy him.
…If pool’s not your game, pick the next game- one you’re really, really good at- & score big in the next inning.
(WARNING: Pool players love stealing second.)
I have no idea whether or not Crabtree is good pool player, but I do know that he thinks his pitching staff is the sh*t &, so far, he’s been a good streamer…
This week, his pitching faltered early & I saw my opening…
I got a quality start out of Sabathia on the same day that Crabtree made the mistake of starting James Shields, giving me an early lead in ERA & WHIP…
I chose to absorb risk early by deciding then to concede Ks, Ws, & possibly SVs.
Welcome to first base, Crabtree, because that’s as far as you’ll ever get.
…I used Bumgarner & tried & true RPs to improve my lead…
Then, I benched my entire pitching staff, forcing Crabtree to try & catch me…
& also, to take on all the risk that comes with trying to win those two categories…
while I just chilled.
Meanwhile, my offense was easily outperforming his in every category except SBs- which I took care of yesterday.
The score went from 6 – 4 to 7 – 3.
Step 5- Execute your game while constantly checking the stats-
How many dates has BAE suggested on their own? How close are they to scoring? (Maybe consider a pick off attempt.)
What categories are you winning? HRs, RBIs, SBs, AVG, OBP, ERA, & WHIP.
Are they the ones you thought you’d take? Well, not necessarily ERA & WHIP….
Are all of those leads sustainable? Hopefully.
I thoroughly analyzed every pitching match-up before filling in my lineup each day…
& my hard work paid off.
All the while-
I kept my eye on Crabtree’s ERA & WHIP to see if I might need to put in some RPs or start Strasburg. (Thank God I didn’t.)
& I’m still holding…
Which brings me to the last step,
Hope for the best
BAD *SS BAES.
Off to finish sanding that wall, your grl on base.