Breaking Now, Fantasy, State of the Union

You May Say I’m a Dreamer… But I’m Not the Only One: On Fantasy & The WBC

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What do Team USA & I have in common?

All we do is win.

The US has their first WBC title

&

I am in possession of my Fantasy league’s schmexy trophy jacket. 🙂

Yes,

I’m planning a parade

OF SELFIES-

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But then,

I did actually win this jacket &

It was not easy &

That’s the point.

Interestingly enough, the league-mate who has been coming for my jacket the hardest (by way of talk) is the Newbie

A Cards fan, who drafted Yadi.

Figures.

All I can say is-

The Cards‘ home opener is tomorrow &

They are playing the Cubs &

I have Bryant & Rizzo &

We are going to hit him where it hurts. ❤

Actually,
What hurts the most
Was being so close
& Watching Thor go away-

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Never knowing
What could have been
& That not sleeping on him
Is what I was tryin’ to do 😥

 I prepped for days, even made a binder w/ Syndergaard’s New Yorker cover on it…

Still

STILL.

…Losing my NUMBER ONE BASEBALL VALENTINE was definitely the worst part of the draft for me… To make matters worse, my week 1 matchup is against the Palmballers

That makes for a Terrible, Horrible, Noah Good Opening Day for the ‘Staches. 😥

But that’s the draft-

We all come thinking we have everything to gain…

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When really-

One person’s gain is everyone else’s pain

&

One person’s pain is everyone else’s gain

&

As you can see,

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We all packed a lot of both into one small karaoke studio in Little Tokyo.

But in the end-

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IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER…

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The reality is, we are a shallow league. We all have amazing teams.

I slept on Syndergaard, but I still got 4 of my Top 10′ (Archer, Marte, Bryant, & Machado.) Plus, I picked up Stroman… & got to watch him become WBC MVP after going 6 hitless for Team USA in the final game.

(I’m so glad I got to share that moment with Commissioner Crabtree & his ‘wave’ of solid pitching. 😉 )

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YesThe WAVE is back… The one chick in the league still digs the long ball (you can take the grl outta Camden…) The Palmballers had another quietly strong draft complete w/ some well-timed steals…

SOMEONE had to panic & pick an Athletic no one’s ever heard of & so Ryon Healy became a South Bay Baller in round 22. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Of course- I’ve saved the worst & best for last

Along with taking Yadi, our Resident Rookie (replacing LameFace McGillicuddy) also took J.D. Martinez, David Price, Ian Desmond, & Carlos Carrasco, ALL of whom are dealing w/ injuries-

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That’s the worst.

The best?

The best draft, I have to admit, went to the league Selfie King (a man w/ a fashion scarf is someone to fear.)

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Commitment clearly isn’t a problem here… &, while I flirted w/ stocking up on base stealers & quality RPs, K-Town actually scored.

So, let the ‘fuck-withery‘ begin!

B/c, in baseball,

Caring is competing-
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&
That is the real reason why my league & the WBC have meant so much to me.

“‘Baseball has an opportunity to heal the country, because of the political, ethnic and racial diversity in its locker room. No other sport has that…’

-Chuck Todd

I know winning isn’t winning without every other player-

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&

That’s why I’m as proud of being our league’s Lady Champ as I am of all of our beloved MLB players who played their hearts out for their countries of origin in the WBC.

I particularly love what Manny had to say about playing for the Dominican Republic (& what his Abuelo had to say about the importance of the bunt.)

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A Team Baller,

Your Grl On Base

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Breaking Now, Playing Defense, State of the Union

A Salty State: One Grl’s Take on Changing the Game

So, they’re getting rid of the four-pitch intentional walk…

To ‘improve the pace of game play.’

My favorite reaction-

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I reacted to the news the same way I reacted to Rory’s pregnancy announcement on the Netflix Gilmore Girls’ Revival

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It just makes no sense.

Baseball’s slogan might as well be ‘good things come to those who wait.’

That’s the point.

LOOK AT GAME 7 OF THE 2016 WORLD SERIES.

Even the saltiest Cubs‘ critics (myself included) have to admit-

Forcing a Game 7 & then breaking a 108-year-old curse after rain delaying extra innings is what baseball is all about.

It is about what is possible in each & every moment

It is about inducing

& withstanding

Chaos

&

Only then

Achieving greatness.

If you don’t have time for that, we probably can’t be friends.

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Don’t even get me started on the idea of starting extra innings w/ a runner on 2nd…

It’s baseball. No one is ‘born on second.’

A bag must be earned (& someone’s paying.)

Again, this is baseball. Not Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

I’m 100% with my bf on this one-

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Where he & I will probably argue-

Is whether or not to raise the strike zone…

While, in a larger sense, baseball is a perfect metaphor for life

In a smaller sense, it’s about arguing the strike zone…

&

I am for raising the strike zone

&

It’s not just b/c I’m an O’s fan. (I swear!)

Just imagine though-

Trumbo @ Camden w/ a raised strike zone…

Watch out, PECOTA! 😀

 …But it’s not about a revenge fantasy, it’s about stats. (I swear!)

‘More and more pitchers throwing harder and harder is a brutally efficient run prevention methodology that works. The inventory of power arms only grows. That’s because throwing a baseball is a very specific skill with few variables…

Hitting, on the other hand, is a complex read-and-react skill that involves far more variables. The training gap will only grow…

Hitters have less time than ever to react—while facing more pitchers with better stuff than ever. And so the rate of strikeouts has gone up for 11 consecutive years.’

To me, raising the strike zone is an adjustment that doesn’t compromise the integrity of the game.

It would be the baseball equivalent of extending the 3-point line in basketball or, dare I even say it- establishing a 4-point line.

Unlike getting rid of the four-pitch intentional walk, it would ‘improve the pace of game play’ considerably w/ more balls in play & higher scoring games.

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Now, here’s where I disagree with the Sports Illustrated article quoted above-

‘The raising of the strike zone is nothing but a small, interim step—baseball’s typical rate of change—to modernize the game. Until baseball moves to the inevitabilities of a pitch clock, a limited number of timeouts and a governor on relief pitching (such as requiring a minimum of two batters faced), everything else is just small nips and tucks that don’t amount to real change.’

Um, no.

Out of all team sports, baseball is the most individual.

Only in baseball do you get this mano a mano moment-

What more do you want from them?!?!

Let them take their goddamn time
&
RORY & JESS BELONG TOGETHER, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!!

That is all.

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I’m off to secure a tall bookshelf & stream a spring training game now…

❤ Your Grl On Base

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Breaking Now, Fantasy

Your Top 10 Baseball Valentines

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Screenshot from ESPN’s ’30 for 30: Silly Little Game’

Ah, February 14th, Valentine’s Day

But, more importantly, it’s the beginning of Spring Training!!!

If you’re like me, you’ve had enough teasing from MLB.com’s FB Feed & you’re ready to get down to it.

A long Fantasy dry spell can leave a grl a lil thirsty

So, to celebrate the return of Baseball & Fantasy, I’ve created a top 10 list of Red Hot Baseball Valentines for all my Bad *ss Fantasy Baes out there.

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The players listed below are not just certifiable hotties

  They also (in my humble opinion) have a H2H Fantasy Ranking above 100 (w/ One #BigSexy Exception, b/c, c’mon how could I not include Bartolo?)

Take a good look, ladies, b/c these hot studs are packin’ even hotter stats & will be going fast in your upcoming drafts.
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Photo: @Mets (1 Mar 2016)

# 10Bartolo Colon – Ok, let’s face it- Bartolo may be going to the Braves, but he’s not going anywhere fast (in Fantasy or reality.) Still, it’s #BigSexy! He’s a huggable hurler w/ plenty of love to go around-

Report: Colon Being Sued For Child Support By Woman Who’s Not His Wife

Rosanna Colon confirmed to the Post that she has known about her husband’s second family for some time but would not elaborate.’

You can’t be the possessive type with #BigSexy.

You have to appreciate him for who he is-

A larger-than-life streamer who probably won’t blow up your ERA.

Tampa Bay Rays v New York Yankees

Photo: Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

#9Chris Archer – He may be a little emotional on the mound, but if you’re looking for sensitivity & strike outs galore, look no further than Archer.

Charismatic & passionate about community service, Chris is def. bae-material-

Just don’t be late & always respond to his tweets.

I know, I know-

He didn’t have the best 2016. (Who did?)

Taking Archer requires faith, but I believe he is more than deserving.

# 8Jake Arrieta A pitcher worth a thousand words

i

Photo: Marcus Eriksson/ESPN

…Next! 😉

# 7Xander Bogaerts – Quick! Who’s your shortstop? Seager (on deck,) Lindor, or Correa? You wouldn’t bae alone. Those are the guys topping MLB Network’s ‘Top 10 Shortstops Right Now’ list. (So you know they’ll be drafted fast.)

Who else can a grl trust to have her back?

Bogaerts.

Boston Red Sox Photo Day

Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

The X-Man is the guy you know about, but didn’t know you needed.

In 2016

Xander had a better average (& hit 1 more home run) than Correa, got 11 more RBIs than Lindor, & stole 13 bases to Seager’s 3.

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R.B.I. Baseball 17 Promo

# 6Cory Seager -> Cougars meet Cory, 2016 NL Rookie of the Year. He’s just 22, but has no problem connecting (193 hits in 2016.)

He’s so Seager to please-

Everyone wants to play w/ him.

That’s why he’s R.B.I. Baseball 17’s cover athlete.

If you like shiny new things, seek out Seager in sunny LA.

Your ex is gonna be soooo jealous.

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Photo: MLB.com

# 5Starling Marte – A good man may be hard to find, but finding stolen bases can be even harder

That’s why it’s worth snagging Marte before he’s gone.

In 2016, he stole 47 bases & my ❤ –

Starling isn’t just good for SBs

‘He has blossomed into a true five-tool player, just as capable of changing a game in left field or on the bases as he is at the plate.’

My advice: Run w/ him & don’t look back.

# 4Kris Bryant – If you’re the kinda grl that likes to roll w/ the most popular jock on the block, bet on Bryant.

Not likely to be lacking in confidence, he’s coming off an epic World Series win w/ the Cubs & a sizzling Express ad campaign

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2016 Express Fall/Winter Campaign

Those baby blues are waiting to take you home.

(RBIs & HRs for days, ladies.)

# 3 –  Clayton Kershaw – Like a Golden Retriever, Kersherz is shaggy-haired, blonde, & reliable.

Able to recognize a good thing when he has it, Clayton isn’t going to let you run away.

Case in point-

He married his high school sweetheart & he’s got a killer ERA.

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Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

You’re never going to have to worry about Kershaw.

He’s just that good

…until the postseason…

Bae-ware

The Kersh is not good under pressure.

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Photo: MLB.com

#2Manny Machado – For those of you who have been scrolling down this list waiting for someone to really get your engine going, this jug-eared hothead is the Manny for you.

He isn’t f*cking messing around-

Machado is prepared to smash anything & anyone that comes at him.

Forget getting your name tattooed on his arm, Manny will get your whole damn face

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The human equivalent of a hot rod, this guy isn’t slowing down anytime soon.

# 1Noah Syndergaard

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Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

Nicknamed Thor, after the hammer wielding Norse god, you Noah that Syndergaard knows how to make an impression-

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Like Manny, he’s got 0 f*cks to give-

Syndergaard is slumping,’ they said last August.

‘Could be the bone spur in his pitching elbow.’

…Um, did you see the NL Wild Card Game last year?

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That’s what happens when you test a god.

(Alas, even gods need run support.)

Don’t be basic w/ Syndergaard

Just be happy to have witnessed next level hotness.

🙂

Well, there you have it-

10 Damn Fine Ballers.

…I think OG Fantasy Bae, Valerie Salembier, would be proud.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Your Grl On Base.

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Breaking Now, Fantasy, State of the Union

All My Fantasies Are Baseball Fantasies

SPRING TRAINING GEAR IS HERE!!!

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…It’s like ‘back to school’ swag for people who are too old for Five Star binders, but refuse to grow up & I am here for it.

Just like in the old days, I want it all.

I know I could make all that^ an outfit… all it would take is a LBD, hoops, & black PF Flyers… (&, from now on, that’s the outfit I will be wearing in all my daydreams b/c, sadly, my budget can’t keep up with my cinematic Fantasies.)

Speaking of Fantasies-

My heart stopped when I saw Noah Syndergaard in this promo video.

Fact: He is a Golden God & the only famous person I can remember having had a sex dream about-

It happened shortly after I was traded him in Fantasy last year… & I vaguely remember the words ‘fastball down the middle‘ being used. I woke up giggling… & my husband, already knowing this was baseball-related, sighed & turned his back to me.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Such is the life of the spouse of a Fantasy baseballer… & I feel for him, I really do, but-

NO WAY AM I GIVING UP FANTASY THIS YEAR, B/C I AM-

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Someone’s gotta tell Crabtree how lame ‘The Wave’ is & crush his hopes & dreams-

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& I am here for that too.

With Spring Training right around the corner, it is also almost time to resume our Silly Little Game.

Alas, without the Silver Lake ‘Staches, the only thing I’ve been managing is my brother-in-law’s love life… & I am ready to trade in studying selfies for studying players’ stats &, as Valerie Salembier, manager of Salembier’s Flambes, so aptly put it- ‘what they (have) in the back.

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Crabtree has ‘fessed up to already living the Fantasy podcast life. (He’s entertaining plans to build his team around Kershaw & delusions of grandeur.)

To which, I say-

Everyone has a strategy before 5+ shots of Crown.

Painted in Waterlogue

Draft Day, Easter 2016. …I went there.

Still-

It’s true that one can never be too prepared for Draft Day

But while some choose to dive in head first, I’ve always been a ❤ first kinda grl.

Baseball may be a notorious heart-breaker, but it’s all about courtship going into Spring Training.

1st- It teases you.

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Then- It presents you with shiny new swag.

Next- Pitchers & catchers report right around Valentine’s Day.

FINALLY- THE GAMES BEGIN

& you never know what might happen-

‘On March 13, 1954, Milwaukee Braves left fielder Bobby Thomson fractured his ankle while sliding into second base during a Spring Training game. The next day, (Hank) Aaron made his first Spring Training start for the Braves‘ major league team, playing in left field and hitting a home run.[11] This led Hank Aaron to a major league contract, signed on the final day of Spring Training…’

I’m not saying the O’s or the ‘Staches will be getting a Hank Aaron, but we do have Manny.

…I’m also really excited to get a 1st look @ Trey Mancini, Joey Rickard, & Hyun Soo Kim.

In my opinion, Kim is a sleeper going into 2017. He had a bad Spring Training last year & it took awhile for the O’s to really give him a chance, but when they did- he was great about capitalizing on opportunities to get on base. It was also his first year in the MLB, so I suspect he’ll get off to an easier start this year.

The O’s love the long ball, but I think guys like Kim (& Rickard) are going to be clutch when our sluggers are slumping…

Still- It’s ALL just Fantasy till the season officially starts.

❤ ❤ ❤

On Tenterhooks,

Your Grl On Base

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Breaking Now, Foul Ball, Playing Defense

This One’s For My GRLz- In Defense of Hillary Clinton & Taylor Swift

We live in a crazy world.

Donald Trump is running for President

Against

HILLARY CLINTON.

It’s not a trick question.

It’s a n0-brainer.

(O, the irony!)

What part of this is hard?

…Is it harder than NOT calling a woman a b*tch?

Apparently so

&

That makes me sad, ya’ll,

B/c it’s clear to me that

What’s hard is sexism.

😦

What’s hard is this argument I keep running into online-

‘She thinks she’s better than everyone else.’

I’ve seen it written, repeatedly, about both Hillary Clinton & Taylor Swift

&

I find it very troubling

(Aside from the fact that, yea, they ARE)

Esp. when I look at who they find themselves up against-

Donald Trump & Kanye West.

Am I missing something?! Are these men known for their HUMILITY?!

NO!

They are misogynist egomaniacs & publicity addicts.

Would you EVER hear Taylor Swift OR Hillary Clinton say that they think they’re better than everyone else?!

NO!

They are two accomplished women, who both continue to be successful amidst harsh criticism while also maintaining a constant state of DIGNITY.

I think it’s actually their uncompromising DIGNITY that’s hard for people…

&

It’s probably harder for those who are deeply insecure…

&

Those who are scared of strong women…

&

Those who might hide behind their own special brand of blinding narcissism…

What’s actually at the heart of Kimye‘s beef stew w/ TayTay is the fact that-

Kanye West did not make Taylor Swift famous!

Taylor made Kanye infamous

W/out even trying

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&

He has never forgiven her.

:/

Me?

 I cannot forgive Kanye for Famous

B/c

REGARDLESS of how much Taylor knew about the lyrics-

Why would he call this lovely, accomplished young woman, who has had the grace & dignity to publicly forgive HIM,

A B*TCH?!

B/c felt he threatened

&

Upset by the fact that she has more of what he values most-

Fame.

Taylor’s Fame has thus far been a special kind,

Bathed in golden light-

A kind that takes work to achieve.

Taylor did the work.

We all watched as she did it

&

Grew up in the process.

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We watched as she somehow thrived in an industry that is not known to respect women

&

Managed to survive w/out a blemish on her reputation-

Taylor Swift is a real-life female role-model,

Who Kanye is seeking to

Destroy

&

Rob

(Of what she has earned through a lifetime of hard work.)

He’s already tried it once,

Thoughtlessly & drunkenly,

But this time-

He did it more thoughtfully,

W/ the help of an enabler-

Kim Kardashian West

(Just the name makes me shudder.)

Let’s face it-

Kimye set a trap.

Remember the Benghazi hearing?

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Now, the Republicans weren’t able to catch Hillary w/ the hearing,

But they’re not letting go of those emails…

Just sayin’.

What it really comes down to w/ both women is-

They got caught protecting themselves at all costs

&

That’s not ‘lady-like,’

But what is & isn’t ‘lady-like’ is the battle that’s being fought

&

The struggle is real.

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Look at the other side-

Do Kanye West & Donald Trump play fair themselves?

&

Do we, as women, want to be represented by Kim Kardashian & Melania Trump,

The leading ladies of Kanye West & Donald Trump?!

Or

Do we want to be represented by empowered women who are actual leaders?

Go on,

Tell me again how you’re ‘tired’ of Hillary & Taylor

&

I will show you two women who work harder for good on a near daily basis than many people do in a lifetime.

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That is all.

I’m w/ them,

Forever

&

Always,

Your grl on base.

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Breaking Now, Fantasy

BAE-WULF: A Bad *ss BAE’s Guide to Victory

ALRIGHT! GUYS, IT’S SUNDAY MORNING & BASEBALL IS BEING PLAYED ON THE FINAL DAY OF THE FANTASY WEEK!

This week, I am up against the sole undefeated team in our league, the Culver CrackerJacks

& I AM WINNING 7-3, which has to be a disappointment to the team’s manager- a careful & cunning man by the name of Crabtree.

Crabtree’s known interests include collecting vinyl, uneven trades in his favor, & fanciful facial hair- in other words, he’s a monster.

He is my Grendel

&

I am BAE-wulf.

😉

But-

I didn’t just become BAE-wulf overnight.

See-

The first boy I ever liked used to chase me around chanting, ‘paper dolls & sushi!!’ Over & over again. …Those were my known interests, so he tried to annoy me by mocking me with them.

It worked-

I retaliated by throwing things.

He threw things back.

Every day, at recess, we chased each other around, throwing weeds, pine cones, & various food items at each other.

It was exhausting &, ultimately, fruitless

When he finally tried to kiss me following our 5th grade graduation, I ran away…

& I never saw him again. (We went to different schools the next year.)

My mistake, I realize now, was my inability to think more than one step at a time.

If I’d been able to apply strategy to my situation, I certainly could have destroyed this boy in both love & war.

 …

I’ve come a long way since my days of chasing boys on the playground-

I mean, I still like paper dolls & sushi…

But, now,

I’ve got game

& I love kicking *ss.

I may be new to the game of Fantasy baseball-

But, I’ve been playing boys for years…

If my 5th grade crush taught me anything, it’s that acts of love can often resemble acts of ‘war’ & vice versa.

This week, I tried to employ my proven strategy for getting a guy to my endeavor to destroy one in a Fantasy baseball match-up

After all-

The harder you try to destroy your opponent,

the more you show just how much you care.

😉 ❤

Let’s go through the steps.

Step 1- Look hot.

Applying it to Fantasy- I am a desirable opponent for Crabtree, one worth crushing… one who tied him the last time we were matched up… & I am the one who is now just hours away from spoiling his unBAEten record. (See what I did there?)

Step 2- Let him know it’s on.

In love, this can be as easy as meeting your BAE’s gaze at the right time.

In Fantasy- This means talking sh*t.

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Step 3- Ignore him a little (while still clocking his every move) & flirt with other desirable guys.

…So what if Crabtree has Kershaw? I picked up Jose Ramirez.

(Did you know that you can put Ramirez in at 2B, 3B, SS, & OF? Now, that’s hot.)

WARNING: Men can be incredibly insecure, especially when they are losing. …Sometimes, they will lash out in desperation

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…Leading us to the next step-

Step 4- the ‘intentional walk.’

Now that it’s clear both parties are invested & eager to break the game open- it’s time for the intentional walk.

The intentional walk is all about recognizing the other player’s strengths, while playing to yours.

Say your date is a fantastic pool player-

‘Forget‘ how to play, walk him… & then destroy him.

…If pool’s not your game, pick the next game- one you’re really, really good at- & score big in the next inning.

(WARNING: Pool players love stealing second.)

I have no idea whether or not Crabtree is good pool player, but I do know that he thinks his pitching staff is the sh*t &, so far, he’s been a good streamer…

But!

This week, his pitching faltered early & I saw my opening…

See-

I got a quality start out of Sabathia on the same day that Crabtree made the mistake of starting James Shields, giving me an early lead in ERA & WHIP…

I chose to absorb risk early by deciding then to concede Ks, Ws, & possibly SVs.

Welcome to first base, Crabtree, because that’s as far as you’ll ever get.

…I used Bumgarner & tried & true RPs to improve my lead…

Then, I benched my entire pitching staff, forcing Crabtree to try & catch me…

& also, to take on all the risk that comes with trying to win those two categories…

while I just chilled.

🙂

Meanwhile, my offense was easily outperforming his in every category except SBs- which I took care of yesterday.

The score went from 6 – 4 to 7 – 3.

Step 5- Execute your game while constantly checking the stats-

How many dates has BAE suggested on their own? How close are they to scoring? (Maybe consider a pick off attempt.)

Alternately

What categories are you winning? HRs, RBIs, SBs, AVG, OBP, ERA, & WHIP.

Are they the ones you thought you’d take? Well, not necessarily ERA & WHIP….

Are all of those leads sustainable? Hopefully.

This week-

I thoroughly analyzed every pitching match-up before filling in my lineup each day…

& my hard work paid off.

All the while-

I kept my eye on Crabtree’s ERA & WHIP to see if I might need to put in some RPs or start Strasburg. (Thank God I didn’t.)

& I’m still holding…

Which brings me to the last step,

Step 6-

Hope for the best

&

Keep representin’

BAD *SS BAES.

Off to finish sanding that wall, your grl on base.

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