A lot has happened since my last post:
– I watched the Tampa Bay Rays play an exhibition game in Cuba. It gave me major baseball feels. I cried-
I mean, c’mon, 28-year-old Dayron Varona, the Rays’ leadoff hitter that game, became the first Cuban baseball player to defect & return to play ball in Cuba. He also got to see his sister for the first time in 3 years!
From my POV?
Obama = that game’s MVP (#baller)
Cruz = living proof that if you keep making that face it’ll stay that way (#hater)
…Also, let us not forget that Cruz IS CUBAN AMERICAN, which begs the question-
What is wrong with him?!
Speaking of haters…
-In MMA/UFC news, Cormier pulled out of his fight against Jon Bones Jones due to a leg injury, which sucks because I was really looking forward to it… but at least their Twitter feud is almost as entertaining.
(Before Cormier pulled out, Jones posed an open question on Twitter, asking what tactics he should employ against Cormier- I suggested rear naked cupcakes, ‘cause Cormier strikes me as a guy who can’t resist a cupcake. 😛 Not surprisingly, I didn’t get a response.)
-BUT BACK TO BASEBALL, ‘CAUSE BASEBALL’S BACK-
& that means…
-Fantasy baseball & Beat The Streak are also back & that’s what today’s doubleheader is all about.
I’m no expert on either, but-
…What I like about fantasy baseball is that, as far as I can tell, it’s like playing the ultimate Stratego game with the ultimate nerds & I love me some Stratego. (I used to beat the boys at daycare so bad…)
So, on Easter Sunday, my H2H league had an awesome, old school off-line draft, with one out-of-towner phoning in. The draft took place at my (& 3 other league members’) place of employment- a frame shop. We set up in the back room, which, to me, was so cool- like holding a meeting in a secret clubhouse. Our resident Selfie King documented the proceedings & throughout the rest of this post you’ll get to see some of his fine photojournalism, which I have put through a beer-goggle-like filter to reflect everyone’s level of inebriation… But, also, to give everyone some anonymity, so that I don’t embarrass anyone (including myself.) Before you say, ‘Aww, how sweet,’ keep reading-
We’re nearing the end of week 1 of fantasy &, just like in daycare, I am SLAYING.
To be fair,
I am in the shallowest league ever (6 teams) &…
-The person I’m playing this week, who I thought was going to be one of the biggest threats, DIDN’T EVEN SET A LINEUP TILL TUESDAY, ‘CAUSE HE COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE YAHOO FANTASY APP.
As our production manager at work would say, ‘AWW, C’MON, MAN!!’
-Then, there’s our commissioner who choked at the end of the draft & drafted 5 ATHLETICS IN A ROW…
Note: We had a draft by-law that stated that a shot must be taken each time you draft a player from ‘your team’ (in my case, the O’s/in his case, the A’s.)
Mistakes being made.
…It was also reported by his girlfriend, who was present at the draft, that he drunkenly sang ‘Down Under’ by Men At Work on the car ride home, protesting each time she tried to turn down the volume on the car radio. So, shout-out to the spouses & significant others of fantasy baseballers, the unsung heroes of fantasy baseball.
-Finally, there’s our out-of-towner, aka LameFace McGillicuddy, who did NO DRAFT PREP WHATSOEVER, made everyone else do the strange, thankless task of drafting his team for him &, ultimately, hung up on us not even 5 rounds in.
I got a text from him saying just, ‘I’m going to eat I’ll ttyl.’ He was not heard from again for the remainder of the draft.
He did however set his lineup on time & IS SOMEHOW DOING OK?! 😡
…In my opinion? We were far too good to him when drafting his team. What he really deserved was- Coco Crisp, some Phillies, & a bunch of sh*tty non-closer relievers. Instead- our aforementioned commissioner & Men At Work enthusiast GAVE HIM CHRIS DAVIS. I still cannot believe it.
Clearly, we’re not professionals, but there are a few things you can learn from us:
- The draft is important, do your damn homework. (You could even just make a short list of players you want to prioritize & then download a top 300 list from a fantasy blogger or podcaster you like… bonus points if you do a mock draft or listen to one being done on a podcast, like I did while doing cardio at the gym. It’s that easy.)
- Know how to use your league’s agreed upon fantasy platform…
- You should probably not draft 5 Athletics in a row under any circumstances. (The Blue Jays, the Cubs, & maaaaybeee the Astros are the only teams I can think of off of the top of my head that I’d even want 5 players from… I’m purposefully leaving out the Royals, because ew, just ew.)
- Finally, know that 5+ shots of Crown inevitably leads to madness.
In the end, this is the team I ended up with:
…Why, yes, Tulo did hit the 1st HR of the 2016 season & Archer did get 12 Ks in his first outing- Thanks for noticing. 🙂
Who’d I draft 1st? Kershaw, ‘cause Machado was taken.
What’s my biggest regret? Not drafting one or two more closers.
Was Schoop worth the shot? In the words of a good friend, ‘Schoop is my boy, good height, decent hitting, gritty attitude.’ Personally, I think Schoop has the potential to lead second basemen in HRs this year & I really enjoyed this article on him.
Now, while fantasy baseball is about strategy & maintaining relative sobriety (esp. during your draft,) Beat The Streak is about the RUSH.
BTS is like baseball crack, you live & die for your next hit & you pray that you know where, or who rather, it’s coming from…
It involves high highs & low lows. You try to push it on your friends & once they’re also addicted, everyone turns against each other. It makes you paranoid. It becomes harder & harder to maintain relationships with people who aren’t also addicts. It drives you toward irrational behavior, like locking yourself in the bathroom at a wine bar because you want a safe place to curse at your phone while fighting back tears. (Or, maybe, that’s just me?)
Don’t even get me started on what it did to my marriage last year-
My husband, up for sainthood any day now, likes to sleep in & snuggle on Sunday mornings. (Who doesn’t?)
…Did I allow him that one simple pleasure? No. I was up at 6 AM on Sunday mornings, pouring over my BTS Excel spreadsheet, trying to determine who to pick to get a hit. Pretty eccentric. But. That’s what BTS does to you.
I became convinced it was my job & that beating the streak was within the realm of possibility. I forgot the insane odds & became obsessed.
So, instead of getting to sleep in & spoon, my husband would wake up to the glow of my computer screen, make a face like Ted Cruz, mumble unintelligibly, then turn away in defeat.
…After all that work, what was my highest streak? Sixteen. SIXTEEN. Pathetic.
This year, however, there will be no Excel spreadsheet & more snugz.
Why? Because I finally have some perspective & value my marriage?? Yes. But also– the BTS app now has some handy filters that takes a lot of the work out of making an educated pick. For instance- you can now search for all batters facing a pitcher that throws with the opposite hand, batters who bat toward the top of the lineup & therefore get more at bats, etc… I’m looking forward to getting more sleep (even if all I’ll be dreaming of are sweet, sweet hits.) SEVENTEEN, here I come! 😉
Now, go download the app so we can all be junkies together!
From here on out, I’ll be regularly updating you on my fantasy and BTS progress (I picked Machado yesterday, today I have Dexter Fowler, & I put in Prince Fielder for tomorrow,) but-
Right now? I gotta go tinker with today’s fantasy lineup!
Cheers, your grl on base.