State of the Union

27 Going on 28: Return of EMO (A Grl’s Survival Guide)

fullsizerender1When I was in my early 20’s-

It took multiple glasses of wine & several episodes of The Hills to prepare me for the fresh hell that was going out on a Saturday night… which I’d feel obligated to do after a day of hiding out & eating eclectically (Ramen, canned beans, & Peanut Butter Puffins, anyone?) just b/c I didn’t want to go out, not even to buy groceries, b/c I just couldn’t deal w/ anyone.

So. Emo.

I remember telling myself, someday, I’ll be 28 &-

By the time I’m 28, I’ll be doing yoga every day.

&- By the time I’m 28, I won’t do that thing where I pick at my nail polish in the car when it starts to chip… & then store the shavings in my cup holders… & leave them there for weeks.

B/c- By the time, I’m 28, I’ll be perfect.

It was always just far enough away…

Until last year…

When I turned 28


It was my first difficult birthday, but not for the reasons I might have come up with in my early 20’s. I don’t do yoga every day, but I have a gym membership that gets semi-regular use. I still pick at my nail polish, but there are currently no traces of it in my car. I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy with the choices I’ve made.

To my surprise, the MAJOR FEELZ that came up before my birthday had nothing to do with regretting not going to grad school or being upset that I still don’t own that dream pick-up. Instead, it had everything to do with saying good-bye to my early 20’s. Despite, the fact that I am arguably more perfect (& far less humble) now. 🙂

As a survivor-

I bring you this guide to Surviving:

27 Going on 28: Return of EMO


Step 1: Turn & Face the Music (It’s where you’ll find your mantra.)

Every Emo phase has a soundtrack & mine started w/ this Chainsmokers’ song-

I cranked this song up the first time I heard it on the radio… & then every time after that. My husband was sick of it before I even realized I was going through a thing- a thing that I didn’t even know was a thingCloser is a cautionary tale about back-sliding w/ an ex-


But what it’s really about is masking one’s hurt & celebrating questionable decisions…

What’s more early 20’s than that?

Once you have your ‘OMG MY EARLY 20’s ARE BEHIND ME’ moment. You’re ready to go Full Emo.

tuws8g2-1465765220That’s right. Dust off that old Death Cab album.

Find the music that was once both the truest & most embarrassing thing about you…

For me, it’s that Good Ol’ Country Music

& Miranda Lambert‘s latest album, ‘The Weight of These Wings,’ couldn’t have dropped at a better time… I found the root of angst I was feeling & the mantra that would get me through in the divinely emo song, ‘Runnin’ Just in Case’-

‘Happiness ain’t prison
But there’s freedom in a broken heart.’

giphy-3.gifWhile I never questioned my happiness, I did question whether or not it was something I deserved & could maintain &


Could I be happy & still be me?

I’d reached Full Emo.

Step 2: Burn, Baby, Burn.

Once you reach Full Emo, sh*t is going to come up & nobody can plunge your sh*t but you.

Do what you gotta do, but after you do-

Let It Burn.

This is my way of saying that while Aroldis Chapman, currently 28, was helping the Cubs win the World Series, I was creating a now-deleted Word document titled ‘Poems to Keep the Angst Alive.’ This resulted in 0 successful poems, but I still kept my favorite:

‘In the same building where we met, 

Well after you’d left me there,

A teacher told me I had to make my own black

(He also told me I couldn’t paint.)’


…I know I know better & that’s the thing about getting older-

You start to understand what your black is made of.


Chances are you’re at least a little familiar with the sh*t that’s coming up, because it’s old sh*t. So, go ahead, write that letter to your ex or to your dead-beat dad, but after you do-

In the words of Bowie:

“The moment you know you know you know.”


Trust me, you know.

Step 3: Won’t You Please, Please Help Me? (Open up the doors!)


In my early 20’s, I probably wouldn’t have responded to a girlfriend’s “Happy Birthday! How are you?” text with an emotionally honest answer, but, at 28, I did.

To my surprise, she showed up where I work with flowers & an invitation to grab cocktails the following night.

After the tears have dried, it’s time for a drink… with a girlfriend who has been through what you’re going through.


We met up & I told her about Miranda Lambert’s latest album, about all the looking back I’d been doing, about the blackness, & also about how mortifying it was to see clearly the selfishness I displayed in my youth& she totally got it.

It started to dawn on me that with age also comes the perspective necessary to helping both yourself & others.

Over the course of the evening, we talked about our exes, what we put our mothers through, & the importance of forgiving our younger selves

Which I thought I’d done until

I confessed to essentially ghosting all my exes from my early 20’s, because I was too scared to either respond or reach out.

“Why? What are you afraid might happen?”

I laughed, “Nothing!” It was that simple & easy & true. The fear was not coming from me as a 28 year old woman. It was coming from the grl I was in my early 20’s, stubbornly holding on to her feelings of guilt.


(Burning sh*t is easy, but guilt tends to linger.)

Step 4: Give Yourself Permission (to give 0 f*cks.)

“I think you have to give yourself permission to do what you want,” she said.


For the first time, I really understood what that meant.


When I really removed guilt & fear from the equation, I was left with 0 desire to re-connect with those who I once felt I ‘owed’ it to &, ironically, it made me feel 5 years younger. 😉

I was also able to make a couple new friends, but it took burning the letters/deleting the doc to open the door.

I came away with a sense of clarity-

Turning 28 was about saying goodbye to my early 20’s. That meant honoring my past, esp. the darkest parts, & then finally letting go of some of my old sh*t.


Being 28 is about what I do with the empowerment that comes from really knowing myself. That means being the one to validate my own decisions & forgive my own mistakes.



If you still miss your early 20’s after reading this-

 An episode or two of The Hills (or The Bachelor) ought to bring the emo (& the horror) back into your life (shout out to Rachel, 31!)


Also, Bachelor Fantasy Leagues are a thinggg!



28 & Gr8,

Your Grl On Base.

Breaking Now, Fantasy, Foul Ball

Behaving Badly – No Biggie?

*Please note that this post was written yesterday (Sunday, the 15th) as I was watching my Fantasy opponent make a Royals (circa 2014-2015) style comeback on me. Also, the Rangers/Blue Jays brawl (which I’ll get to) happened while I was writing this. …What a crazy f*ckin’ day.

So yeah-

MY GOD, it’s been awhile since my last post &, you might’ve guessed it, Fantasy’s to blame…

I’ve reached the point where I need someone to check me into Fantasy rehab (& it’s only week 6!) but I’d also never be able to speak to that person again… & I’m finally at a place in my life where I like everyone I know. :/

Oh well, it’s my problem, & I’ll deal with it, right after I check on today’s games…

F*ck. Why’d I stream Devenski??? Damn rookie pitchers… They’re like virgins, you have to wait for them to get really good &, in Fantasy, where time crawls, ain’t nobody got time for that sh*t. At least, I don’t. Been there. Done that. Over it. Totally dropping Devenski, dropping him so hard, just like I dropped Berrios.

…Yes, I’m a monster, but this is sports, so, as Aroldis Chapman and Jon Jones can tell you, a little monstrosity is no biggie (as long as you keep playing the game well.)

That’s right, Aroldis Chapman is back from his 30 game suspension & he is throwing heat with the same powerful hands that got him suspended (‘according to a police report, he placed his hands around his girlfriend’s neck during an argument and fired a gun eight times.’)

‘Chapman’s case was one of three investigated by MLB this offseason as part of the new domestic violence policy. The others involved Jose Reyes of the Colorado Rockies and Yasiel Puig of the Los Angeles Dodgers.’

Reyes, it turns out, will also be suspended.

Frankly, it’s about damn time the MLB started cracking down on domestic violence… but are they going far enough?

I mean-

Chapman was an original draft pick in my 6 person Fantasy league, even with the suspension, because when it comes down to it, in baseball, a 30 game suspension is no biggie…

Meanwhile, my bestie (now to be referred to as my bestie again & not as ‘LameFace McGillicuddy’) was forced to drop Dee Gordon, who was suspended 80 games for using PEDs, from his Fantasy roster. It’s a tough loss for him (&, I suppose, for the Marlins as well.) 😛

My point is-

Shouldn’t Chapman have been suspended at least as many games as Gordon for scaring his girlfriend so bad that she ‘hid in the bushes outside his home while she phoned police dispatchers for help.What an *sshole, right?

…So, why aren’t people judging him the way they’re judging Dee Gordon?

Probably because most people don’t know what ‘domestic violence’ actually means.

What I mean by that is-

When I asked some fantasy baseballers I know if they knew exactly what Chapman did to get suspended, none of them knew. All they knew was that he’d been suspended for ‘domestic violence’ & now he’s back & throwing fast fastballs. (Well yeah, the dude is strong…)

I can only assume that if he’d been given a longer suspension, more people would know the details of what he did-

& that matters.

(Say what you want about Dee, but at least he risked his own life.)

…So, as long as we’re on the subject of *ssholes, let’s talk about someone who I’ve become more & more convinced is an *sshole-

Jon Bones Jones.

In 2015, Jones ‘pleaded guilty to a charge stemming from a hit-and-run crash in April that injured a pregnant woman.’ (He served no jail time for the hit-and-run.)

Before that, ‘he was involved in four previous documented incidents, ranging from driving with a suspended license to running his car into a utility pole.’

…The part where he was stripped of his UFC title?

No biggie-

He’s fighting to reclaim it AT UFC 200 IN THE MAIN EVENT SPOT.

What I find troubling is that, according to Jones, he never actually lost the title or the belt:

Screen Shot 2016-05-10 at 11.23.59 AM

While it’s true that Cormier didn’t beat him for the belt in the octagon…

Cormier also never tested positive for cocaine or fled the scene of a hit-and-run.

I was rooting for Jones when he defended his title against Cormier at UFC 182, but I’ll be rooting for Cormier at UFC 200, because

I believe Jon Jones deserves to feel like a loser


If Cormier could give him the gift of his first real loss in the octagon, that would be a biggie-

A biggie, like Conor McGregor NOT fighting in UFC 200 (Jon Jones got his spot after Conor failed/refused to meet his press obligations.)

Basically, Conor’s saying he’s a big enough star that he’s literally earned ($$$) the right to dictate his own terms for fighting- but the UFC said, nope.

Conor has built his UFC career on being confrontational & ostentatious…& winning (till recently.) So, it makes sense that he’d take on Dana White with the same cocksure-ity he’s employed against his opponents in the octagon…

But you can’t knock out Dana White… or win by decision when your opponent is the decider.

So, what was/is Conor thinking?

 Who knows? It’s possible that Conor may well be a little too intoxicated with his own McGregor, but this fight with Dana White does raise a good question:

With the UFC more popular than ever & no UFC union, what are the limits of the UFC’s powers’ ?

Here’s another one-

Is Bryce Harper MLB’s Conor McGregor?

Yup. They’re quite a pair of shrinking violets, aren’t they?


Love them or hate them, swagger is good for business… & they’ve got it in spades.

&, really-

How can you *not* want to ‘make baseball fun again?’

Sometimes, however, a fun little bat flip

Leads to-

(Read more about the Rangers/Blue Jays brawl here.)

When it comes to the Rangers vs. the Blue Jays, I think the Rangers might be the *ssholes…

…which isn’t to say Rougned Odor doesn’t have a mean right hook. He does…

But he’s probably going to be suspended for a balls’ age

 (&, of course, I have him in Fantasy.)

Maybe, there’s a place for him in the UFC?

(…Too soon?)

Trying to stay out of trouble till next time, your grl on base.