Breaking Now, Fantasy, State of the Union

All My Fantasies Are Baseball Fantasies

SPRING TRAINING GEAR IS HERE!!!

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…It’s like ‘back to school’ swag for people who are too old for Five Star binders, but refuse to grow up & I am here for it.

Just like in the old days, I want it all.

I know I could make all that^ an outfit… all it would take is a LBD, hoops, & black PF Flyers… (&, from now on, that’s the outfit I will be wearing in all my daydreams b/c, sadly, my budget can’t keep up with my cinematic Fantasies.)

Speaking of Fantasies-

My heart stopped when I saw Noah Syndergaard in this promo video.

Fact: He is a Golden God & the only famous person I can remember having had a sex dream about-

It happened shortly after I was traded him in Fantasy last year… & I vaguely remember the words ‘fastball down the middle‘ being used. I woke up giggling… & my husband, already knowing this was baseball-related, sighed & turned his back to me.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Such is the life of the spouse of a Fantasy baseballer… & I feel for him, I really do, but-

NO WAY AM I GIVING UP FANTASY THIS YEAR, B/C I AM-

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Someone’s gotta tell Crabtree how lame ‘The Wave’ is & crush his hopes & dreams-

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& I am here for that too.

With Spring Training right around the corner, it is also almost time to resume our Silly Little Game.

Alas, without the Silver Lake ‘Staches, the only thing I’ve been managing is my brother-in-law’s love life… & I am ready to trade in studying selfies for studying players’ stats &, as Valerie Salembier, manager of Salembier’s Flambes, so aptly put it- ‘what they (have) in the back.

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Crabtree has ‘fessed up to already living the Fantasy podcast life. (He’s entertaining plans to build his team around Kershaw & delusions of grandeur.)

To which, I say-

Everyone has a strategy before 5+ shots of Crown.

Painted in Waterlogue

Draft Day, Easter 2016. …I went there.

Still-

It’s true that one can never be too prepared for Draft Day

But while some choose to dive in head first, I’ve always been a ❤ first kinda grl.

Baseball may be a notorious heart-breaker, but it’s all about courtship going into Spring Training.

1st- It teases you.

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Then- It presents you with shiny new swag.

Next- Pitchers & catchers report right around Valentine’s Day.

FINALLY- THE GAMES BEGIN

& you never know what might happen-

‘On March 13, 1954, Milwaukee Braves left fielder Bobby Thomson fractured his ankle while sliding into second base during a Spring Training game. The next day, (Hank) Aaron made his first Spring Training start for the Braves‘ major league team, playing in left field and hitting a home run.[11] This led Hank Aaron to a major league contract, signed on the final day of Spring Training…’

I’m not saying the O’s or the ‘Staches will be getting a Hank Aaron, but we do have Manny.

…I’m also really excited to get a 1st look @ Trey Mancini, Joey Rickard, & Hyun Soo Kim.

In my opinion, Kim is a sleeper going into 2017. He had a bad Spring Training last year & it took awhile for the O’s to really give him a chance, but when they did- he was great about capitalizing on opportunities to get on base. It was also his first year in the MLB, so I suspect he’ll get off to an easier start this year.

The O’s love the long ball, but I think guys like Kim (& Rickard) are going to be clutch when our sluggers are slumping…

Still- It’s ALL just Fantasy till the season officially starts.

❤ ❤ ❤

On Tenterhooks,

Your Grl On Base

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Fantasy, State of the Union

Mistakes Were Made – #2016

2016 contained so many endings that now that it has finally ended,

I still can’t believe it.

There’s been a lot of denial,
(I just started a 1,000 piece puzzle consisting of mostly foliage.)
But that, too, must end soon.
…I think a lot of us are in the same boat.

So,

What now?

ts-eliot

For me, that means going back to where I left off here @ Grl On Base & piecing together the personally significant moments that happened as what started off as a downright promising year finally came to an end…

We start,

In classic 2016 fashion,

With a tragic boating accident

&

The death of José Fernández.

(Remember that?)

The death of José Fernández was my first ‘Is this real life?’ moment of 2016.

I mean-

Fernández defected from Cuba.
It took four attempts.
He spent a year in Cuban prison for attempting to leave.
On his fourth & final attempt, a wave carried someone overboard & Fernández jumped in after them-
I dove to help a person not thinking who that person was. Imagine when I realized it was my own mother. If that does not leave a mark on you for the rest of your life, I don’t know what will.’
The 15-year-old Fernandez swam through the waves with Maritza clinging to his back and they reached the boat some 15 minutes later.”

That’s insane.

Then came the headlines-
Marlins ace Fernandez dies in boating accident
Jose Fernandez had cocaine, alcohol in system during fatal boat crash
Unable to fully process the reality of the situation,
The day after his death, I made a mistake-

A #BigSexy mistake…

I left Bartolo Colón in against the Marlins.

(2.1 IP, 27.00 ERA, 3.43 WHIP-

Not an ideal way to start the final week of Fantasy.)

I realized I would need to make some big moves if I really wanted to take it to Crabtree, my year-long nemesis, the one week it really mattered.

Afterall,

This was the end

&

The Wave* was coming.

(The Wave* is an easy listening radio station & what Crabtree took to calling the sizeable group of solid pitchers he had starting toward the end of the week. He liked it so much he changed his team name to ‘94.7 The Wave.’ Diabolical.)
What happened next might best be described by one whose eloquence certainly rivals that of T.S. Eliot-

Gwen Stefani,

In her 2004 anthem, ‘Hollaback Girl.’

Ahem-

Few times I’ve been around that track
So it’s not just gonna happen like that
‘Cause I ain’t no hollaback grl
I ain’t no hollaback grl
A couple days later, at 2 AM, it dawned on me-
Fantasy was ending & therefore nothing (& no one) was precious any more (except for Manny & MadBum, my two Keepers. ❤ )
Dramatic? Yes. But also effective.

2am

Crabtree was all in on The Wave. He even had a wave patch picked out for our league trophy jacket.
In the meantime, I started building shelter with walls made out of innings pitched (144.2 was the final count) & sandbags full of the best available streaming options.

 

my-sht

This my sh*t, this my sh*t. This my sh*t, This my sh*t. This my…

It still came down to a good ol’ fashioned Sunday Showdown,

So that’s right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals, no student-teachers
Both of us wanna be the winner, but there can only be oooone

The O’s were looking to lock up their place in the AL Wild Card Game & I was playing for all the marbles,

So I’m gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to ya

&

On Oct. 2nd 2016,

NO mistakes were made.

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That’s right.
I’m the last one standing
&
Another one bites the dust.

…I won.

The O’s won-

It was a perfect day of perfect streaming.

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Yes, the O’s would go on to loose the Wild Card Game in extra innings without using Britton, MLB’s best closer.
Yes, Trevor Bauer CUT HIS FINGER ON A DRONE & had to leave a playoff game b/c it wouldn’t stop bleeding.
Yes, I tried getting into football, b/c, hey LA has a team again & Goff is pretty cute…

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Yes, Trump would wind up getting elected into office.

Yes, many more mistakes were made.

So many, in fact,

That come UFC 207-
The worst case scenario is sort of what I’d come to expect,

But I am a sucker for a comeback

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& a really great hat…

What I didn’t expect was Cody Freakin’ Garbrandt.

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In an epic 5 round fight that looked like it might have been 1/3 well-timed voguing,

Cody made UFC 207 his own Oct. 2nd 2016

&

Beat Dominick Cruz, becoming the new UFC bantamweight champ,

&

THEN HE CALLED OUT T.J. DILLASHAW

&

It

Was

HOT!

Perfect eyebrows aside, it was just an exemplary display of what sport is all about-
Exactly what’s possible when adequate training, full commitment, & a little bit of trash-talk are combined.

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So beautiful…

Ronda’s fight was the opposite.

It was like she’d manifested her own worst fears…

It was 2016’s final sucker-punch

&

It kinda broke my heart.

There’s a lot of speculation that she’ll retire now & a lot of people are weighing in with their opinions.

My feeling is-

Regardless, Ronda was the one who made it possible for women to headline a major UFC PPV event.
Now, Amanda Nunes, the first openly gay champion in UFC history, has defended her belt against THE Ronda Rousey (w/ a classic, old-school Ronda quick-finish, no less.)

That’s MMA herstory & both women have their place.

Should Ronda continue her story in the UFC?
I don’t know, but I liked what Jon Jones had to say-

jon-jones-on-ronda

&

What Trump had to say is a reminder why we all have to keep fighting in 2017…

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But first, I’m going to finish that puzzle

&

Leave this here:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

…Just b/c it’s 2017 doesn’t mean we can’t try

&

Live every day like it’s

Oct. 2nd 2016

&

Party like it’s 2004…

(39 days till pitchers & catchers report!)

😉

#NotRetired,

Your Grl On Base

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Breaking Now, Fantasy

BAE-WULF: A Bad *ss BAE’s Guide to Victory

ALRIGHT! GUYS, IT’S SUNDAY MORNING & BASEBALL IS BEING PLAYED ON THE FINAL DAY OF THE FANTASY WEEK!

This week, I am up against the sole undefeated team in our league, the Culver CrackerJacks

& I AM WINNING 7-3, which has to be a disappointment to the team’s manager- a careful & cunning man by the name of Crabtree.

Crabtree’s known interests include collecting vinyl, uneven trades in his favor, & fanciful facial hair- in other words, he’s a monster.

He is my Grendel

&

I am BAE-wulf.

😉

But-

I didn’t just become BAE-wulf overnight.

See-

The first boy I ever liked used to chase me around chanting, ‘paper dolls & sushi!!’ Over & over again. …Those were my known interests, so he tried to annoy me by mocking me with them.

It worked-

I retaliated by throwing things.

He threw things back.

Every day, at recess, we chased each other around, throwing weeds, pine cones, & various food items at each other.

It was exhausting &, ultimately, fruitless

When he finally tried to kiss me following our 5th grade graduation, I ran away…

& I never saw him again. (We went to different schools the next year.)

My mistake, I realize now, was my inability to think more than one step at a time.

If I’d been able to apply strategy to my situation, I certainly could have destroyed this boy in both love & war.

 …

I’ve come a long way since my days of chasing boys on the playground-

I mean, I still like paper dolls & sushi…

But, now,

I’ve got game

& I love kicking *ss.

I may be new to the game of Fantasy baseball-

But, I’ve been playing boys for years…

If my 5th grade crush taught me anything, it’s that acts of love can often resemble acts of ‘war’ & vice versa.

This week, I tried to employ my proven strategy for getting a guy to my endeavor to destroy one in a Fantasy baseball match-up

After all-

The harder you try to destroy your opponent,

the more you show just how much you care.

😉 ❤

Let’s go through the steps.

Step 1- Look hot.

Applying it to Fantasy- I am a desirable opponent for Crabtree, one worth crushing… one who tied him the last time we were matched up… & I am the one who is now just hours away from spoiling his unBAEten record. (See what I did there?)

Step 2- Let him know it’s on.

In love, this can be as easy as meeting your BAE’s gaze at the right time.

In Fantasy- This means talking sh*t.

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Step 3- Ignore him a little (while still clocking his every move) & flirt with other desirable guys.

…So what if Crabtree has Kershaw? I picked up Jose Ramirez.

(Did you know that you can put Ramirez in at 2B, 3B, SS, & OF? Now, that’s hot.)

WARNING: Men can be incredibly insecure, especially when they are losing. …Sometimes, they will lash out in desperation

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…Leading us to the next step-

Step 4- the ‘intentional walk.’

Now that it’s clear both parties are invested & eager to break the game open- it’s time for the intentional walk.

The intentional walk is all about recognizing the other player’s strengths, while playing to yours.

Say your date is a fantastic pool player-

‘Forget‘ how to play, walk him… & then destroy him.

…If pool’s not your game, pick the next game- one you’re really, really good at- & score big in the next inning.

(WARNING: Pool players love stealing second.)

I have no idea whether or not Crabtree is good pool player, but I do know that he thinks his pitching staff is the sh*t &, so far, he’s been a good streamer…

But!

This week, his pitching faltered early & I saw my opening…

See-

I got a quality start out of Sabathia on the same day that Crabtree made the mistake of starting James Shields, giving me an early lead in ERA & WHIP…

I chose to absorb risk early by deciding then to concede Ks, Ws, & possibly SVs.

Welcome to first base, Crabtree, because that’s as far as you’ll ever get.

…I used Bumgarner & tried & true RPs to improve my lead…

Then, I benched my entire pitching staff, forcing Crabtree to try & catch me…

& also, to take on all the risk that comes with trying to win those two categories…

while I just chilled.

🙂

Meanwhile, my offense was easily outperforming his in every category except SBs- which I took care of yesterday.

The score went from 6 – 4 to 7 – 3.

Step 5- Execute your game while constantly checking the stats-

How many dates has BAE suggested on their own? How close are they to scoring? (Maybe consider a pick off attempt.)

Alternately

What categories are you winning? HRs, RBIs, SBs, AVG, OBP, ERA, & WHIP.

Are they the ones you thought you’d take? Well, not necessarily ERA & WHIP….

Are all of those leads sustainable? Hopefully.

This week-

I thoroughly analyzed every pitching match-up before filling in my lineup each day…

& my hard work paid off.

All the while-

I kept my eye on Crabtree’s ERA & WHIP to see if I might need to put in some RPs or start Strasburg. (Thank God I didn’t.)

& I’m still holding…

Which brings me to the last step,

Step 6-

Hope for the best

&

Keep representin’

BAD *SS BAES.

Off to finish sanding that wall, your grl on base.

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