Breaking Now, Fantasy

Your Top 10 Baseball Valentines

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Screenshot from ESPN’s ’30 for 30: Silly Little Game’

Ah, February 14th, Valentine’s Day

But, more importantly, it’s the beginning of Spring Training!!!

If you’re like me, you’ve had enough teasing from MLB.com’s FB Feed & you’re ready to get down to it.

A long Fantasy dry spell can leave a grl a lil thirsty

So, to celebrate the return of Baseball & Fantasy, I’ve created a top 10 list of Red Hot Baseball Valentines for all my Bad *ss Fantasy Baes out there.

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The players listed below are not just certifiable hotties

  They also (in my humble opinion) have a H2H Fantasy Ranking above 100 (w/ One #BigSexy Exception, b/c, c’mon how could I not include Bartolo?)

Take a good look, ladies, b/c these hot studs are packin’ even hotter stats & will be going fast in your upcoming drafts.
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Photo: @Mets (1 Mar 2016)

# 10Bartolo Colon – Ok, let’s face it- Bartolo may be going to the Braves, but he’s not going anywhere fast (in Fantasy or reality.) Still, it’s #BigSexy! He’s a huggable hurler w/ plenty of love to go around-

Report: Colon Being Sued For Child Support By Woman Who’s Not His Wife

Rosanna Colon confirmed to the Post that she has known about her husband’s second family for some time but would not elaborate.’

You can’t be the possessive type with #BigSexy.

You have to appreciate him for who he is-

A larger-than-life streamer who probably won’t blow up your ERA.

Tampa Bay Rays v New York Yankees

Photo: Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

#9Chris Archer – He may be a little emotional on the mound, but if you’re looking for sensitivity & strike outs galore, look no further than Archer.

Charismatic & passionate about community service, Chris is def. bae-material-

Just don’t be late & always respond to his tweets.

I know, I know-

He didn’t have the best 2016. (Who did?)

Taking Archer requires faith, but I believe he is more than deserving.

# 8Jake Arrieta A pitcher worth a thousand words

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Photo: Marcus Eriksson/ESPN

…Next! 😉

# 7Xander Bogaerts – Quick! Who’s your shortstop? Seager (on deck,) Lindor, or Correa? You wouldn’t bae alone. Those are the guys topping MLB Network’s ‘Top 10 Shortstops Right Now’ list. (So you know they’ll be drafted fast.)

Who else can a grl trust to have her back?

Bogaerts.

Boston Red Sox Photo Day

Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

The X-Man is the guy you know about, but didn’t know you needed.

In 2016

Xander had a better average (& hit 1 more home run) than Correa, got 11 more RBIs than Lindor, & stole 13 bases to Seager’s 3.

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R.B.I. Baseball 17 Promo

# 6Cory Seager -> Cougars meet Cory, 2016 NL Rookie of the Year. He’s just 22, but has no problem connecting (193 hits in 2016.)

He’s so Seager to please-

Everyone wants to play w/ him.

That’s why he’s R.B.I. Baseball 17’s cover athlete.

If you like shiny new things, seek out Seager in sunny LA.

Your ex is gonna be soooo jealous.

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Photo: MLB.com

# 5Starling Marte – A good man may be hard to find, but finding stolen bases can be even harder

That’s why it’s worth snagging Marte before he’s gone.

In 2016, he stole 47 bases & my ❤ –

Starling isn’t just good for SBs

‘He has blossomed into a true five-tool player, just as capable of changing a game in left field or on the bases as he is at the plate.’

My advice: Run w/ him & don’t look back.

# 4Kris Bryant – If you’re the kinda grl that likes to roll w/ the most popular jock on the block, bet on Bryant.

Not likely to be lacking in confidence, he’s coming off an epic World Series win w/ the Cubs & a sizzling Express ad campaign

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2016 Express Fall/Winter Campaign

Those baby blues are waiting to take you home.

(RBIs & HRs for days, ladies.)

# 3 –  Clayton Kershaw – Like a Golden Retriever, Kersherz is shaggy-haired, blonde, & reliable.

Able to recognize a good thing when he has it, Clayton isn’t going to let you run away.

Case in point-

He married his high school sweetheart & he’s got a killer ERA.

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Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

You’re never going to have to worry about Kershaw.

He’s just that good

…until the postseason…

Bae-ware

The Kersh is not good under pressure.

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Photo: MLB.com

#2Manny Machado – For those of you who have been scrolling down this list waiting for someone to really get your engine going, this jug-eared hothead is the Manny for you.

He isn’t f*cking messing around-

Machado is prepared to smash anything & anyone that comes at him.

Forget getting your name tattooed on his arm, Manny will get your whole damn face

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The human equivalent of a hot rod, this guy isn’t slowing down anytime soon.

# 1Noah Syndergaard

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Photo: Elsa/Getty Images

Nicknamed Thor, after the hammer wielding Norse god, you Noah that Syndergaard knows how to make an impression-

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Like Manny, he’s got 0 f*cks to give-

Syndergaard is slumping,’ they said last August.

‘Could be the bone spur in his pitching elbow.’

…Um, did you see the NL Wild Card Game last year?

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That’s what happens when you test a god.

(Alas, even gods need run support.)

Don’t be basic w/ Syndergaard

Just be happy to have witnessed next level hotness.

🙂

Well, there you have it-

10 Damn Fine Ballers.

…I think OG Fantasy Bae, Valerie Salembier, would be proud.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Your Grl On Base.

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Breaking Now, Fantasy, State of the Union

All My Fantasies Are Baseball Fantasies

SPRING TRAINING GEAR IS HERE!!!

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…It’s like ‘back to school’ swag for people who are too old for Five Star binders, but refuse to grow up & I am here for it.

Just like in the old days, I want it all.

I know I could make all that^ an outfit… all it would take is a LBD, hoops, & black PF Flyers… (&, from now on, that’s the outfit I will be wearing in all my daydreams b/c, sadly, my budget can’t keep up with my cinematic Fantasies.)

Speaking of Fantasies-

My heart stopped when I saw Noah Syndergaard in this promo video.

Fact: He is a Golden God & the only famous person I can remember having had a sex dream about-

It happened shortly after I was traded him in Fantasy last year… & I vaguely remember the words ‘fastball down the middle‘ being used. I woke up giggling… & my husband, already knowing this was baseball-related, sighed & turned his back to me.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Such is the life of the spouse of a Fantasy baseballer… & I feel for him, I really do, but-

NO WAY AM I GIVING UP FANTASY THIS YEAR, B/C I AM-

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Someone’s gotta tell Crabtree how lame ‘The Wave’ is & crush his hopes & dreams-

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& I am here for that too.

With Spring Training right around the corner, it is also almost time to resume our Silly Little Game.

Alas, without the Silver Lake ‘Staches, the only thing I’ve been managing is my brother-in-law’s love life… & I am ready to trade in studying selfies for studying players’ stats &, as Valerie Salembier, manager of Salembier’s Flambes, so aptly put it- ‘what they (have) in the back.

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Crabtree has ‘fessed up to already living the Fantasy podcast life. (He’s entertaining plans to build his team around Kershaw & delusions of grandeur.)

To which, I say-

Everyone has a strategy before 5+ shots of Crown.

Painted in Waterlogue

Draft Day, Easter 2016. …I went there.

Still-

It’s true that one can never be too prepared for Draft Day

But while some choose to dive in head first, I’ve always been a ❤ first kinda grl.

Baseball may be a notorious heart-breaker, but it’s all about courtship going into Spring Training.

1st- It teases you.

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Then- It presents you with shiny new swag.

Next- Pitchers & catchers report right around Valentine’s Day.

FINALLY- THE GAMES BEGIN

& you never know what might happen-

‘On March 13, 1954, Milwaukee Braves left fielder Bobby Thomson fractured his ankle while sliding into second base during a Spring Training game. The next day, (Hank) Aaron made his first Spring Training start for the Braves‘ major league team, playing in left field and hitting a home run.[11] This led Hank Aaron to a major league contract, signed on the final day of Spring Training…’

I’m not saying the O’s or the ‘Staches will be getting a Hank Aaron, but we do have Manny.

…I’m also really excited to get a 1st look @ Trey Mancini, Joey Rickard, & Hyun Soo Kim.

In my opinion, Kim is a sleeper going into 2017. He had a bad Spring Training last year & it took awhile for the O’s to really give him a chance, but when they did- he was great about capitalizing on opportunities to get on base. It was also his first year in the MLB, so I suspect he’ll get off to an easier start this year.

The O’s love the long ball, but I think guys like Kim (& Rickard) are going to be clutch when our sluggers are slumping…

Still- It’s ALL just Fantasy till the season officially starts.

❤ ❤ ❤

On Tenterhooks,

Your Grl On Base

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